I'm here to inform you, silly sheep.

There is a deep seated conspiracy going on here. It's not the Bourne Identity, it's not the health insurance plan the government gives, and it's not Area 51. It's something much much more sinister. It's mother-fucking Where's Waldo and he's wrecking our youth's ability to see correctly 100% all the way.

Ex1. The Man Behind the Deception.

Now I know what you're going to say. "Oh but he's Waldo! He's a quiet, well mannered and innocently dressed do-good traveler out to see the world, and we have to find him! It's all good fun." Bull hockey. It's a curtain man! He's pulling the blinds over your face so you can't see the truth. Actually, seeing is the WHOLE point of this. Did you know the prevalence rate for blindness is about 1 in 247 people in the USA? Yeah, that's not so bad, is it? That's exactly what the EYEGLASSES company was thinking.

So you know what they did? They hired their boy Waldo here to come up with a great idea. Mother-Fucking-Where's-Waldo? You know, the book that you spend 80% of your time reading a half a centimeter away from the page? Do you have any idea what that does to your eyes? That's right. I'm suggesting the Waldo series is intended to ruin your vision. But what does that play into anything, you ask? Take a look at this picture.

Ex2. Waldo Sporting His Ever Famous GLASSES.

Do you get it now? I'll spell it out for you. It's a ploy to line the filthy optometrists' pockets, man. The people who make the glasses and the people who sell them and the eye-doctors weren't making enough green, ya' dig? So they did something about it. They're corrupting our youth just so they can fatten their wallets. I'm not down with that at all. FIGHT THE POWER. Go to your local bookstore. Find a Waldo book. Burn it. Rinse wash and repeat. JOIN THE REVOLUTION.

I hope I've opened your eyes to this scandal, figuratively and literally, for the sake of the children.

(10:05:19 PM) Tavanaka: oh shit
(10:05:51 PM) Lazer: yes oh shit
(10:05:53 PM) Lazer: oh shit indeed
(10:06:05 PM) Tavanaka: oh SHIT
(10:06:23 PM) Lazer: this shit isn't happening, amirite?
(10:06:42 PM) Tavanaka: this shit is crazy
(10:06:54 PM) Lazer: it goes deeper
(10:06:58 PM) Lazer: but I didn't want to get scary
(10:07:04 PM) Lazer: you know how it's all colorfull and shit?
(10:07:12 PM) Lazer: retinas hate that crap
(10:07:35 PM) Lazer: it's horrible man, just plain horrible
(10:07:35 PM) Tavanaka: yes
(10:07:43 PM) Tavanaka: not to mention the ones
(10:07:53 PM) Tavanaka: where they use neon green for light
(10:07:56 PM) Tavanaka: and red for shadows
(10:07:59 PM) Tavanaka: that's just OW
(10:08:04 PM) Lazer: oh SHIT
(10:08:07 PM) Lazer: I forgot about those ones
(10:08:10 PM) Lazer: goddamn you waldo
(10:08:26 PM) Tavanaka: WALDOOOOO
(10:08:55 PM) Lazer: >:O

ON A DARK DESERT HIGH WAY

COOL WIND IN MY HAIRRRRRRR.
WARM SMELL OF COLITAS, RISING UP THROUGH THE AIIRRRRRR.
UP AHEAD IN THE DISTANCE, I SAW A SHIMMERING LIGHT.
MY HEAD GREW HEAVY AND MY SIGHT GREW DIM,
I HAD TO STOP FOR DA NIGHHHT.
THERE SHEEEEE STOOD IN DA DOORWAY.
I HEARD THE MISSION BELL.
AND I WAS THINKING TO MYSELF:
'THIS COULD BE HEAVEN OR THIS COULD BE HELL.'
THEN SHE LIT UP A CANDLE AND SHE SHOWED ME THE WAY.
THERE WERE VOICES IN THE CORRIDOR...
I COULD HEAR THEM SAY

WELCOME TO DE HOTEL CALIFORNIA
SUCH A LOVELY PLACE
SUCH A LOVELY FACE
THERE'S PLENTY OF ROOM IN DE HOTEL CALIFORNIA
ANY TIME OF YEAR... YOU CAN FIND IT HERE.

I DON'T WANNA CLOOOOOSSSE MY EYEEEESS.

I DON'T WANNNNNNNAA FALLLLLL ASLEEP CAUSE I'LL MISS YOU BABE.

AND I DON'T WANNNNNA MISS A THAAAANNNNNNGGGGGG.